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this isn't stained in black and white

Thu Sep 24, 2009, 6:21 AM
This is the only place I've publicly posted stories about the Horsemen (Caspar, Fabrizio, Yanni and Sabe), so I guess this would be the place to come. I just hope people read this and are willing to offer advice.

When the Horsemen were originally conceived, I created Caspar, Sara ~pen-to-paper-charm created Fabrizio, Filly created Sabe and a girl I'll call Daisy created Yanni. Daisy later had to leave the game due to school and passed Yanni on to Kate, who developed him further. Daisy came back a couple months before the game fell apart, though she couldn't take Yanni back at this point and played other characters; I do think it's important to mention that she eventually came back, however.

A few weeks ago, Sara tipped me off to something Kate tipped her off to: Daisy was involved in a new RPG game where she had a character nicknamed Cassie... PB'd Ryan Ross... who was depressed and suicidal.

Pardon me?

Just as part of the background, the Horsemen were initially my idea, both to involve my new obsession with Panic at the Disco, and to try and spice up my older Snyder High game. I'd ended up deciding Snyder was best left to rot and started Winston before the boys were even in Snyder a day. I still think most of those involved in Snyder who didn't follow us to Winston had no idea the Horsemen even existed. This was back in early 2007, and I still have the correspondence emails about the initial development of the boys.

Caspar was depressed and suicidal from the start. A lot of details surrounding the whole thing have changed over time, but that was always in place. I felt it justified his emo appearance; part of the emo stereotype was that the kids involved really didn't have anything to be depressed about. Caspar did, and I made sure he did, because I enjoyed the idea of him being perceived as a stereotype when only a few knew the truth. All the boys have issues (Sabe's weight problems and parents who love him but never listen; Yanni's older brother's murder and his parents subsequent distance; Fabrizio's older brother's addiction problems) but Caspar's are easily the darkest. It wasn't my intent, because again as much as his initial catalyst has been around from the beginning, the other little details and the sheer depths of his problems have developed over time.

Let me give you Cas's development points, the things I think really define his personality and behavior throughout his life:

:bulletwhite: Appearance based on Ryan Ross of Panic at the Disco
:bulletwhite: Depressed/Suicidal/plays on the emo stereotype
:bulletwhite: Gay
:bulletwhite: Hates/disrespects women (due to his mother's distance; a nanny that beat him as a child; the prostitute that raped him, on his father's orders, when he was 13)
:bulletwhite: Mixed emotions regarding his abusive father
:bulletwhite: Deeply devoted to his friends, and slow to make new ones due to his shy, secretive, enigmatic/sometimes very nasty nature
:bulletwhite: Incredibly intelligent and manipulative
:bulletwhite: Musician/Perfect pitch/photographer
:bulletwhite: diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, mainly shown through his violent fits

He's very detailed, from beginning to end, and that's what makes him my pride and joy, but the white bullets are the basis for everything.

Which brings me back to Daisy, again.

Sara found out through Kate, who was involved in the same game and was disgusted by what she felt was a bad Caspar rip off (and apparently wasn't the only one) and decided to tell someone she knew would tell me. I was given a way to go in and look and figure out how I felt about the issue myself.

Initially, I wasn't as angry as Sara and Kate were. I was annoyed, especially when Sara emailed Daisy to tell her what she thought of this character and Daisy defended it with answers that were kind of beside the point. She had to have known these accusations would come, if only because the character was PB'd Ryan Ross and nicknamed Cassie (for future reference, his full name is Cassidy, and I'll use that name to distinguish the two). That's just common sense, since she was involved in the initial Winston Game.

And then she takes it one step further, to where Cassidy also suffers from depression. She argued that most emos do (missing my initial point with Caspar where, actually, most emos don't, that's the staple of the stereotype and anyone with a sincere reason to be suicidal or depressed isn't considered emo), and also that Cassidy no longer wears make-up (despite his profile picture showing him in make-up). That one I ignored; Caspar slowly weans himself off the make-up after he and Fabrizio start their relationship, but it was never something I made obvious in game, so I don't hold that one against her.

I don't remember which came first, but I do know that at one point, Kate spoke to her and Daisy said something along the lines of "I figure all emos have those traits ;P" which Kate and Sara took as an admission that she knew it was a rip-off.

I don't exactly see it that way, and when I told Sara so, she agreed. It just shows that she knew the similarities were there, which honestly on its own is bad enough, especially when she admitted in her email's with Sara that Caspar was Cassidy's inspiration.

If you know your character was inspired by someone else's character, and their similarities are enough that you write them off that way, then they're too similar and you need to step back and figure something else out.

Plus it was kind of insulting to me that she felt that way about a character I put a lot of hard work in to.



What finally got me angry, however, was when I went in a second time to try and get more details and figure out if I should confront her and how. What I found on Cassidy's blog was a story about Cassidy becoming angry and suddenly feeling a need to destroy something special to the person he was angry with. His angry focus was interrupted and he retreated to curling up in a ball on a car ride home.

This infuriated me.

One of the last stories Daisy was involved in before she initially left the game was Caspar coming out with his feelings for Fabrizio. What happened the first go-round was very different from what you've read in the stories I've posted here. The game story featured Yanni (played by Daisy) talking to Caspar over MySpace comments and eventually figuring out the truth and telling Caspar he needs to tell Fabrizio. Later that night, Caspar does, and this leads to a breakdown that featured Caspar throwing his make-up at the wall and shattering his mirror with his fist, barely aware of Fabrizio's presence. The next day Sara played half of a conversation of Fabrizio telling Yanni about the whole debacle, then Daisy disappeared for a while before officially quitting and handing Yanni over to Kate.

In my opinion, an angry, vicious, destructive focus is something Caspar has that isn't necessarily an emo trait. It's more related to his mental disorder than to the emo stereotype. To me, that is where she crossed the line, with Cassidy having the same destructive fits that Caspar has.

The details between the two are different, yes, but I feel some of the big bases are still too close for comfort.

Cassidy is:
:bulletblack: Emo/Depressed/Suicidal
:bulletblack: Gay
:bulletblack: PB'd Ryan Ross
:bulletblack: nicknamed "Cassie"
:bulletblack: prone to violent fits

Taking off the details, don't you see the similarities? Yes, there are differences, but that's part of what makes a rip-off a rip-off rather than a carbon copy. A few subtle differences doesn't change a similar basic characterization. That's what keeps Batman and Superman from being rip-offs of the other: They're both heroes in comic books. That's it. Superman is an alien with powers, Batman is a human being with lots of money, etc. etc. The bases are different.

And you have to understand, there are more things about Caspar that define him, to me, but he's been around longer and more deeply developed. When he was in the same beginning stages as Cassidy, their bases were EXACTLY the same, except for family situations (which, to be honest, is the reason why Caspar has his violent fits; I don't know Cassidy's reasons, since his adopted family appears to love him).

So I brought this here to the few people outside our circle of Horsemen creators to see what you think should be done about the situation. Honestly what it comes down to, to me, is that even if Daisy didn't directly INTEND to rip Caspar off, she should've had the sensibility (and integrity) to change some things around as soon as she started thinking of excuses as to why they may be perceived as similar, whether it was as she was creating the character or when Sara initially confronted her. Details are just details. Caspar having a 4.4 GPA vs. Cassidy's difficulty in school isn't enough.

You want to know the first thing that struck me? Looking at Cassidy's MySpace the first time, everything was in pictures. There were no words.

This is Caspar's MySpace as it has generally always been, minus minor alterations i.e. being in a relationship or changing his stated age: [link]

Of course the second time I went in, Cassidy's MySpace had changed, and that was after Sara's emails so I can't honestly say if the change was deliberate because someone knew (meaning she knew the similarities between the profiles) or simply because Daisy felt like doing something new. I do feel the timing was suspicious, though.

So what do you think? Do I have a case? I really think I do, but I'm not sure how to go about presenting it without running into a fight that I really don't feel like dealing with. I'm also not sure what I should ask her to do about it, outside of dropping the character or making more major changes, which is something I can't even check up on since Kate's dropped out of the game.

Most of all it bothers me because I really thought Daisy had more sense and creativity than this. As I've said repeatedly, if she knew she might get called out on the similarities, why did she continue to use the character as is? Kate, Sara, myself and someone else who was involved in both games saw Cassidy as a rip-off of Caspar. Isn't that enough to tell that something's not right?

Let me know what you think of the debacle, here in the comments or in a note, it doesn't matter to me.

  • Mood: Questionable
  • Listening to: Break Through the Silence - Monty Are I
  • Reading: Heroes vol. 1
  • Watching: Fresh Prince
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing

and so there's a change in your emotions

Sat Sep 5, 2009, 1:09 AM
1. Pick which OC you are going to answer this in
2. Answer all the questions Truthfully. Make it interesting!
3. Tag at least 5 others when finished!

Name: Caspar Hansel Gottschalk IV.

Birthdate: September 2nd, 1991

Birth Place: New York City

Current Location: Upper East Side, Manhattan.

Eye Color: Amber.

Hair Color: Golden brown.

Height: 5'11''

Weight: Not enough

Tattoos: I have one under my ribcage, matches with my best friends'. We got them the night I turned 18. I'm going to get the Keywork tattooed between my shoulderblades, with the lyrics, "Is it the dreams that make us real?" I fucking love Coheed.

Boyfriend/Girlfriend: My Breezy baby.

Overused Phrase: "You know?"


FAVORITES

Food: Donuts. Plain or buttered noodles. Crepes.

Candy: My Grammy used to make homemade suckers for me when I was a kid. I loved those, but I don't really like candy otherwise. Though Sabey will buy a big bag of multiflavor tootsie rolls and I'll eat all the vanilla ones.

Number: 7.

Color: Blue

Animal: Eh. I might say birds.

Drink: Orange soda.

Alcohol Drink: I've always liked champagne.

Bagel: What? How fucking stupid. I don't know, I don't eat fucking bagels.

Letter: This is so stupid.

Body Part on Opposite sex: Ugh.

THIS OR THAT

Pepsi or Coke: Coke owns Fanta.

McDonalds or Burger King: Ew. Hello, my name is acne.

Strawberry or Watermelon: Strawberry.

Hot tea or Iced tea: Hot.

Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla.

Hot Chocolate or Coffee: Mocha.

Kiss or Hug: I love both. It depends on the person.

Dog or Cat: I suppose cats. Though I love my hundchen.

Rap or Punk: Punk.

Summer or Winter: Winter.

Sad Movies or Funny Movies: Depends on my mood, so generally sad.

Love or Money: I have plenty of both.


YOUR...

Bedtime: When Breezy kisses my head and says goodnight.

Most Missed Memory: How can you miss a memory? If you don't remember it, you can't miss it. But I suppose I miss visiting my Pappy and Grammy as a little kid.

Best physical feature: Eyes and hair.

First Thought Waking Up: "This is more than bliss." Waking up in his arms is the best part of every day, right next to falling asleep in them.

Goal for this year: To survive.

Best Friends: Sabey and Yanni and Andi.

Weakness: Fear.

Fears: Being alone.

Heritage: German.

Longest Relationship: Breezy and I have been together two and a half years.


HAVE YOU...

Ever Drank: Yes.

Ever Smoked: Yes.

Pot: No

Ever been Drunk: Yes

Ever been beaten up: All the time.

Ever beaten someone up: No

Ever Shoplifted: No

Ever Skinny Dipped: Yes

Ever Kissed Opposite sex: Yes. Ew.

Ever Kissed Same Sex: Yes.

Been Dumped Lately: No.

IN A GUY/GIRL

Favorite Eye Color: Dark brown.

Favorite Hair Color: Dark.

Short or Long: Short.

Height: It doesn't matter.

Style: Just look good. I have enough style for both of us.

Looks or Personality: My boy has both.

Hot or Cute: My boy can be both.

Drugs and Alcohol: Neither.

Muscular or Really Skinny: I'm not picky, but Breezy has this perfect swimmer's body.

RANDOMS

Number of Regrets in the Past: What's the point of regret?

What country/world do you want to visit: Italy.

How do you want to die: Not alone.

Been to the Mall Lately: No.

Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes.

Get along with your Parents: No.

Health Freak: No.

Do you think your attractive: Depends on the day.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

Want to go to college: I just started college.

Do you smoke: Yes.

Do you drink: Rarely.

Shower daily: Um, sometimes more than once.

Been in love: I'm in love.

Do you sing: Only for certain people.

Want to get married: We don't talk about it.

Do you want children: Absolutely not.

Hate anyone: Yes.

You probably answered this already but if you're in love, who is it?: My Breezy.

  • Mood: Humor
  • Listening to: Sometime Around Midnight - Airborne Toxic Event
  • Reading: The Other Queen
  • Watching: Roseanne
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Pizza
  • Drinking: Coke

I knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring...

Tue Jul 21, 2009, 7:04 AM
It's raining today. Rain makes me happy. :)


I figured I'd write something new to get that last journal off the homepage. :\ I've accepted it and I'm even excited to hear what all the boys come up with, even if it is separately. And I'm glad I got to see them live before they split up. Hah, I probably wouldn't have loved them half as much as I did if I hadn't; Nothing Rhymes With Circus Tour won me over.


The final part of Breezy and Cassie's story is... well, it'll come along eventually. I got lost when I couldn't find/edit my reference email, but, since I'm hoping to be more active on here again, soon, I can pick it up again.

I've been drawing again! My schedule got switched so I can go on vacation early next month, and because of who I'm now working with, I have a bit more downtime at the front counter, hiding under the cameras :P. I still have to go and help customers, but it gives me a solid desk space and on slow nights, if Staci can effectively quash my guilt from letting her do all the tasks (she can't stand still, so if there's not much to do, she wants to do it all, and give me "a night off" which bothers me 'cause I hate not actually -earning- my money), I've actually managed to do some sketching and even primary inking!

I have one picture I need to finish coloring, one that's inked and just needs re-inked and colored, and then I have a small series I'm working on, with two sketches finished, one being worked and the last is planned out in my head, waiting to be put on paper :). So we'll see what I can do. I'd really like to be more active here, it's just that this job :\ ugh, I don't even want to go into detail, it's a lot worse than just long overnight shifts with too much to do, but I just vented to my mom about it and would rather not get started again.

I guess I'll just say, just because someone likes and is nice to you, doesn't mean they're not somehow screwing you over. That's really what it comes down to.




oh, lol, I guess I'll finish this by saying that I have a new AIM screenname and if you want it, all you have to do is ask. :) Also I've gotten a little obsessed with the Adult Swim strategy game, HR-maggedon, and it's multiplayer so if you ever want to play me, just let me know! :)

  • Mood: Sociable
  • Listening to: Love Story - The Vanity Affair (cover)
  • Reading: HP7
  • Watching: Saved by the Bell
  • Playing: HR-Maggedon
  • Eating: Donuts
  • Drinking: Milk

:( no words

Mon Jul 6, 2009, 8:37 AM
I'm seriously so upset about this [link]



like I don't even have to words to explain how upset I am right now, just that on top of it, I feel retarded for being as upset as I am.

  • Mood: Gloomy

it is you who took who took my first away from me

Tue May 5, 2009, 12:55 PM
heyyyy


I'm getting ready to start writing the last part of the story soon! :D I've got two options as to how to start it, and I'm still trying to decide which of those I want to go with (plus some scenes I want to include that Sara and I had never discussed before. usually there's a lot of leniency, but I still always like to double-check).

I'm sure it's pretty obvious already how it's going to go, but if you want any hints, I made a playlist just for this chapter, for Caspar to listen to and to set the mood, and here's a few of the chosen songs:


I Won't See You Tonight (pt. 1) - Avenged Sevenfold
Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
The Childcatcher - Patrick Wolf
Prison Sex - Tool
I'll Catch You - The Get-Up Kids
Naked as we Came - Iron & Wine
Hurt - Johnny Cash
The Priest and the Matador - Senses Fail


Look up the lyrics ;) I'm excited to start! You'll get to see characters besides Cas and Briz finally, and even outside the horsemen! Yanni & Sabe are there of course, but Eric and Ory and Skylar and Suni and maybe even a few others will make their appearances too! :D



I signed up for the artist part of Bandom Big Bang so I'll definitely have some artwork up here by the end of the month. No escaping it! The story I picked isn't bad either, I just wish she'd written a little more of it so I had more to choose from, lol.



Pygmy came out today! I just bought a new book on Saturday and I'm trying to finish that first, but I'm so excited for Pygmy too. :D

  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Razorblade - Blue October
  • Reading: A Slobbering Love Affair - Bernie Goldberg
  • Watching: Steve Wilkos
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Lasagna
  • Drinking: Pepsi in a Coke glass

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